A Modest Invitation
The following post references a recent situation in which attendees at a feminist sci-fi convention were photographed without their permission or knowledge, and then edited versions of the images were posted to a message board with commentary mocking the attendees’ fatness, disability, and/or gender orientation. Rather than try to rehash it all myself, considering I was not there, nor do I even go cons, nor do I know anyone who was affected - I’ll point you here for the particulars. As a non-con-goer, and a nonbeliever in “safe space” (in any all-encompassing sense, anyway - some spaces are always safer than others), this post is less about the specific incident in question, which I know little about beyond a few internet postings, than it is about this sort of hateful behavior in general.
Take my picture.
Take it without asking. Take my picture while I’m doing something I love, something that makes me happy. In a place where I can forget that my life often feels like one long activist battle, where I can not feel constantly on my guard, not feel always vulnerable to attack, not feel as though my body is up for debate.
Take my picture, and post it online, in as many high-traffic spaces as you can. Identify me if you want. By name, by location, by employer. Surround that picture with vitriolic commentary about my body, my femininity or lack thereof, my perceived sexual habits, my self esteem. Laugh, and laugh, and laugh, that gut-rattling laughter of unmitigated cruelty, that laughter that comes from laughing at people who don’t know you’re laughing at them, who were going about their lives and made a target simply for not falling, unseen, unremarkably, into culturally acceptable slots - people who are targets simply for failing to be invisible.
Take my picture every fucking day for a year. Post it online, and tear me apart. Point out the innumerable imperfections in my shape, my body, my face, my fashion choices, my eating habits, my health. Keep doing it. Do it again, and again, and again. Do it as loud as you can. Do it as often as you can bear it. Be as mean and as ugly and as unabashed as your nature allows.
Do it. Take it. Take my picture and eviscerate me online. It’s just a public, out-loud, communal version of what people do to me inside their heads every single day. It’s happened to me before, online and off. It’ll happen again. It’ll happen every day I leave the house, for the rest of my life.
I am still fat, and I am still not sorry. And nothing you can say, nothing you can post, nothing you can do will change that. No matter how many times you try to humiliate me. No matter how much you want me to hate myself. Because it’s my fucking body. And I don’t owe you a damn thing.
ETA: I just wanted to clarify a few apparent misconceptions.
1. I don’t call myself a feminist. I don’t have anything against those who do, however.
2. I did not go to Wiscon. I have no future plans of ever going to Wiscon, or to any con of any kind, for that matter. It just doesn’t interest me. However, as stated above, I don’t have anything against those who DO go to cons.
3. The above wasn’t really intended to be so specifically and exclusively applied to the Rachel Moss/Wiscon thing, though if it’s speaking to folks who were affected or upset by it, I’ve got no problem with that.
4. The above isn’t really meant to be read as angry or outraged; I’m many years beyond outrage on this sort of thing. I don’t actually worry if people hate me for being fat, or think I’m gross, or what have you. Some folk always will, I can’t control people’s feelings on the matter, nor would I want to. I was just stating my long-held position in situations like this. The Wiscon thing simply reminded me of that.
5. This website never had a “troll” comment ever, prior to this incident. Now I guess it’s cool to have the website’s troll-cherry popped, it also means I’m still deciding what counts as trolling, which a highly subjective concept. Generally though, comments that expound at length on why everyone hates fat people, and that this is the good and natural way of things, and why fat people should be killed, or whatevs - I’m pretty sure I’m counting those as trolling.
You say tomato, I say tomato.
YES!! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!!
I love you SO FUCKING MUCH, Lesley.
I know it shouldn’t, but it still amazes me, the amount of hatred some people carry around with them… for people they don’t even know. I’m just not built like that, so I just totally don’t GET IT.
But I’m right with you there, Lesley. The only person you owe any kind of explanation to is yourself. I just wish more people understood that.
HUGE round of applause for this! Brilliant!
Yes! This, to me, is the crux of my fat activism and my feminism - all of my activism, in fact. Fat people, the disabled, transgendered, POC, the poor, queers - WE DON’T OWE YOU (the great “normal” YOU) ANYTHING!
**wild applause**
I think I just fell in love.
This is a perfect, amazing response. Thank you.
My hat’s off to you. This reflects exactly how I feel about the bigotry/hatred spewed about my differences from the “normal”. Awesome post!
A truly awe inspiring post! You just brightened my day, seriously! :D
This is one of the most amazing things I’ve ever read on the fatosphere. Kudos!
Maybe you’ve grown up with the wrong kind of feminism. I fully understand the idea of feminism. Women shouldn’t be second to a man, but your idea of feminism has been wholly botched by your pro-fat outlook. I’m sorry, but everything I’ve read today in your ring of blogs is absolutely disgusting. Sure, what Rachel Moss did might not’ve been acceptable, but who’s really the bad guy here?
Immediately, I’ve struggled with weight issues for over a decade, and just recently I’ve overcome it by started an extremely rigid diet and exercise regiment that’s worked so far, as I’ve lost more than twenty pounds just these past few months. I’ve tried to be extremely proud of my accomplishment, but every time I read this, I find my want to be soured because of this ridiculous idea that keeps on being promulgated through this small and somewhat laughable ring of the internet: that being fat is ok.
It’s not. It’s absolutely nonsensical to think so, and doing so is actually endangering the health of your readers and supporters. You can say that this is a branch of feminism, but you need to face up to the fact that this is fraud. Not only do you devalue feminism because women don’t have the choice to be women, whereas the vast majority of overweight people made that choice by poor health and living standards, but you make a mockery out of people who’ve overcome being overweight and got themselves healthy.
Let’s look at it like this. Why is it ok to be fat? People are because it’s a personal choice. That’s acceptable, but everyone is a child, and some are parents. When you are grossly overweight, you will die younger than if you were of a healthy weight, and you will experience multiple health problems throughout your natural life. Have you no respect for your own body to overcome that? What about the people who love you? You’d rather go for the superficial pleasure of eating and doing everything you want now in the trade-off of giving up the years you could live with your family than make a testament to your own personal willpower and strength and get past all of that? That’s not empowering at all. Even more disgusting than the fact that you’re pushing this “ok to be unhealthy” idea on your readers is that numerous other sites are actually making money off of this.
How can you in good conscience write or agree with this sort of thing? What Rachel Moss did was wrong, sure. Whatever. She’s not promoting a horribly unhealthy lifestyle. Saying that dying young is hip and fashionable and ok because no one can tell you otherwise. You need to get your priorities straight and learn that sometimes the problem is actually you.
To anyone who’s offended at this, know that I don’t want you all to think that I hate fat people. I know that it’s tough, but I would much rather see you all overcome such an extremely finite thing and actually empower yourself by doing so. I don’t want you all to feel horrible, I want you all to be healthy and not succumb to this mentality of faux reinforcement.
Hi Concerned_Citizen!
There’s just a couple of points here I want to address.
One, I’m not a feminist. I’d actually challenge you to point out any instance in the past ten years or so where I said that I was.
Two, none of what you say above speaks to my central point, which is that my body is none of your concern. My habits, my health, etc, are - not to put too fine a point on it - none of your business. If my body somehow discredits or “sours” your efforts at weight loss or health or whatver, that’s a personal problem of yours - not mine.
To repeat myself: I don’t owe you a damn thing. I respect your right to not be fat; I can’t fathom what concern it is of yours whether I decide to love my body as it is. I’m just words on a page to you.
Also, for the record, since this post has garnered a bit of traffic, I’ve not approved a bunch of silly little troll comments. I approved the above comment, even though it reeks a bit of concern trolling, because the author, to his credit, clearly put a fair amount of thought and effort into his comment. Even if I think he’s totally wrong, it seems cruel to have just shuffled his comment off to the delete bin.