Outfitblogged: My skills are so much awesomer than you even realize.
Pretty frequently I get compliments from much-slimmer people, usually women, on my clothes, or my style in general. It’s a pretty swell thing to hear, and incredibly satisfying, considering the time and effort I put into my wardrobe. But there’s also an aspect of it that’s… well, frustrating. Because when a much-slimmer person compliments my clothing, inside my head I do something like this:
Compare and contrast:
Your Shopping Experience: Woke up that morning. Showered, dressed, prepared to go out. Went to a nearby mall. Leisurely walked in and out of several stores. Tried some stuff on in a few of them. Scowled at lousy fit or dubious construction. Eventually found something nice on a sale rack for less than $20. Bought it. Went home.
My Shopping Experience: Woke up that morning. Showered, dressed, prepared to go out. Went to a nearby mall. Found two stores that had plus-size sections, but both only up to a 24, and thus too small for me even to try on. Got in car, went to another mall. No plus stores in that one at all. Went to a third mall. Found one plus-size-exclusive store with items big enough to try on. Unfortunately the apparel in question is both overpriced and not my style. Went home. Went online. Checked six websites that offer clothing in my size. Consulted six size charts for said websites. Agonized over garment style and size-chart measurement to ascertain fit, since trying-on is not possible. Debated rolling the dice on another online purchase. Placed two orders from two different websites; paid shipping for each.
[Title card: “One week later…”]
Received packages. Tried things on. Item #1 does not fit. That has to be returned. I’ll get no refund for return shipping or the original shipping cost, so ultimately it will have cost me $15 to try something on for five minutes. Item #2 fit better than item #1, but only just. Kept item #2 for a few days to debate the merits of keeping it (can it be salvaged so I don’t lose more money in nonrefundable shipping?). Ultimately, returned item #2; in this case I was able to return it to a local brick-and-mortar store, so while I lose the original shipping cost, at least I don’t have to pay any more. Went to local brick-and-mortar store, which will accept plus size returns even though it does not carry plus sizes itself. Dealt with clerk who did not recognize product, debated whether it belonged to their store, and finally had to receive instruction from another employee on how to process the return of non-store merchandise.
Went home, $20 poorer for lost shipping, and without any new clothing to show for it. On my way, did not murder anyone in a fit of fashion-deprived madness.
Please note that the above would have taken place in a major metropolitan area of the United States, which offers what are arguably the best plus-size shopping options in the world.
Whenever a not-fat person compliments my clothing, I get that they’re saying, “You have great taste!” I appreciate it. I dig it. I do. But I also occasionally feel like explaining, “You’re complimenting me based on the idea that I just walked into a store one day and bought this because it appealed to me, like you do, and that it is my taste which is the impressive and compliment-worthy thing. No. In fact, it is my persistence in the dogged pursuit of decent fucking clothing that fits me that you should be complimenting. It is my ferocious tenacity in hunting for discounts, deals, and dragging heretofore unknown plus-size options from the caves of fatshion obscurity into the sunlight as a normal part of my endless hunt for fat style. I SLAYED A FUCKING DRAGON BEFORE I COULD BUY THIS DRESS. THAT IS WHAT YOU SHOULD BE COMPLIMENTING.”
Instead, I just say, “Thank you.” And I smile.
This post, it readz my thoughtz. The majority of my friends are thin, and I swear if I hear one more of them say “we should go shopping together!!” or “OMG I want to raid your closet, your clothes are SO cute!” I… will probably just thank them and smile. I won’t even mention the fact that I’m SIX TO EIGHT SIZES larger than them and could literally never try on anything besides, say, earrings (but who freakin’ tries on earrings in a store? No one I know, anyway) at most-if-not-all of the retail stores at which they shop. But still.
That said, I went to the new Savers my town last week with a size-small friend and we both found clothes! I haven’t been shopping with another human being in a ridiculously long time, so it was exciting.
So true!
But i must say, speaking as someone who was born without the fashion gene, I admire your accesorizing skills AND your dragon-slaying abilities!
Amen, sister, on the dragon-slaying. I have a lot of nice clothes, but I worked for every damn piece.
The one that always kills me is when my two teeny-tiny co-workers say “That is such a cute dress! Where did you get it?” Well, gee…I got it at Lane Bryant…why, would you like to go get one for yourself? You could buy one and both fit into it at the same time. I know they’re trying to be kind and show interest, and I appreciate it, but sheesh.
You are my hero! I’ve felt this way many times. I haven’t commented on your outfit-blogging before, but felt I must on this post. Keep slaying those dragons!
Well said!
Thanks for being a very stylish knight in shining armor- you’ve slain dragons for all of us who read Fatshionista! I’m contemplating my first eShakti order, thanks to your reviews and outfit photos.
XOXO, Swellanor
Again, with the love.
Hi Lesley,
First I wanted to say that you’re totally awesome. I’ve been checking out fatshionista for a while, but this post convinced me it was time to register!
I totally know what you mean about finding things to wear–especially since a bunch of the brick and mortar stores where I lived have closed down! I just spent the last two weeks trying to find shorts that fit and that I like. I still haven’t gotten my newest attempt in the mail, so it actually might be even longer!
I do have to say though, that when a smaller-sized person compliments me on something that I got at a plus size place and they want one too and want to know where I bought it, I actually enjoy telling them where I got it. I’m proud that I found something awesome because plus size people deserve to feel awesome!
And, I’ll admit to a little bitchiness in that I enjoy that they can’t got buy it because it will be too big. It’s a rare reversal of positions of power since I usually can’t buy what I want. (Ideally, of course, we’d all have access to fashion in all sizes and this power business would go away.)
I read this blog all the time, and I’ve never commented, but I have to say something about this post. I went shopping yesterday and after having an almost IDENTICAL experience to what you described above, I went home and boo-hooed all night. I have decided that I will NOT allow myself to be continually let down by the fashion industry and will take charge of this situation by being creative, thrifty and relentless in my pursuit of plus size fashion excellence.
I also have to add that your outfitblogging has inspired me more than anything I’ve seen or read in the 15 years that I’ve been shopping for plus size clothes. You are amazing. I have purchased DRESSES this year, and worn then, AND got compliments. Thanks for giving me the confidence and slaying the dragons.
Hi. You don’t know me, but I’m totally in love with you. Marry me? Have my puppies?
I think your style is awesome and I covet it. I totally understand why you get irked when smaller sized people say your clothes look cute. When someone teeny-weeny likes my outfit, I just say thank you because its like recognizing that fat girls rock too.
i have a co-worker who’s thin and she invites me to sample sales and stuff all the time. sometimes i’ll go just for fun and to check the stuff out, but there is never anything there that would come close to fitting me. one day she asked why i never try anything on and i explained to her that there was nothing that would fit me and she was SHOCKED. she had no idea that stores didn’t all carry my size and that i had a hard time finding things to wear, etc. she’s really sweet, but it was really hard for me to have to explain all this to her. i explained that the designers she was getting her clothes stop making clothes MANY sizes smaller than i wear. it really shocked her that i had to go to special stores. i guess when you are small and never deal with that, you can just not even realize it.
YES. THANK YOU! I mean, I really DO appreciate it when people compliment me especially because half the time I feel uncomfortable about my clothes choices, but holy HELL is it hard to find plus sized clothing in my style! Granted I can still fit in SOME non-plus exclusive stores (Gap– SOMETIMES, Old Navy etc) but how many friggin preppy vnecks can one person own!? And Lane Bryant, where I used to practically worship, decided to become Lane of the Ugly Prints and Fuddy Duddy Garment Bryant! Finding your blog has been a GODSEND. You have shown me that I can find AWESOME clothes in my style that I never even DREAMED would look good on me because of my size. Thank you so much for everything you do. Every one of your OOTDs inspire me!
this post showcases one of the most transformative impacts Fatshionista has had on my thinking. In days gone by, those fruitless shopping trips inevitably led to tears or depression and an overwhelming sense of shame at how my unruly body “failed” to “fit” within available shopping options. But through Fatshionista posters, the resources for (online) shopping options for fatties, and especially through wonderfully articulate posts like this, i’m increasingly coming to understand that it isn’t my “fault” — my body isn’t “failing” to fit….marketers are failing to fit my body, failing to size for me, failing to market to me. Truly revelatory, and a wonderful step out of the shame and into recognizing myself as deserving of these services. Thank you.
OMG that is my experience exactly. Add to that frustration by either being 1)short. I am 5′3″ or 2)Tall. I understand the tall fats don’t have any easy time of it either.
This add an additional expense of tailoring.
My other gripe is the few store carrying pants these days want to only carry capris and the few that have skirts I want seem to thing everyone wants a knee length skirt. It’s summer, I want a long, white cotton skirt and capris make me look like I’m wearing high waters.
THANK YOU! My perfectly beachy vacation wardrobe of fabulous flowing dresses (I do embrace the maxi dress as I’m almost 6 feet tall) and those two swimsuits that flatter my as much as a swimsuit is going to flatter a 275 pound body? Yeah. I started putting those items together MONTHS before leaving for the beach. I scoured website after website. I ordered, tried on, returned, exchanged. And all without EVER stepping foot in a store where I would be forced to flail around in a minuscule dressing room while getting progressively sweatier and feeling worse and worse about myself because of horribly unfriendly mirrors.
Slaying dragons is a PERFECT description!
Hi! Long time lurker, first time commenter here. I just had to write after reading this post. First, let me admire your tenacious and glorious clothing skillz. I must admit, I never thought about what hoops you jumped through. In my opinion, it just adds extra shine to your awesomeness.
I feel compelled to write because your skills and those of your other readers on the flickr stream have really helped me. Up until very recently, I have struggled to find peace with my body. I have been varying weights in post puberic life, from mildly fat to very thin. I never felt womanly. I was always too fat or not thin enough to dress the way I wanted. I point this out because shame does not always come in larger sizes.
Since I have begun reading your blog and looking at all the fabulous ladies in the flickr stream, I have blossomed out of my shell clotheswise. So thank you!
Stumbled accross your blog when I googled the term ‘fat-shionista’ after reading it for the first time. Love your sense of style.