It Isn't About Me: Responding to Conversations About Race as a White Person Print E-mail
Written by Lesley   
Tuesday, 25 March 2008
I've noticed a fair amount of both annoyance and miscommunication amongst a lot of white people in response to the recent posts about race on this blog.  Which is, honestly, totally understandable - I, like many white folks who try to maintain a certain level of awareness of privilege and racism, did not spring from the womb fully informed on these issues and passing out xeroxed copies of Unpacking The Invisible Knapsack to the nurses in the maternity ward.  It was something I learned, slowly, painfully, and with much resistance.  So I feel like I can pretty keenly relate to what some folks are feeling.  Which, I think, enables me to offer a little bit of tough love here.  (Better yet, let's pretend this post is administered with promises of cupcakes and fluffy pillows and snuggly kittens at the end.)

Yes, being sensitive is hard.  Having to think about intersectionality and respecting the multiple identities of the people you struggle with in a political movement is hard, especially when it's so easy to just not.  Privilege works because it creates an environment in which it is simpler and takes less effort for those in a position of privilege to ignore racism (or insert your favorite -ism here) than it does to notice it, because they foolishly believe that it doesn't affect them.  This is a lie.  I may be putting it harshly, but it is a lie.

But ultimately, it isn't about me, or how it does or doesn't affect me, or how it affects other folks with unexamined privilege, struggling with the idea that they have benefited from racism.  By this, I don't mean that it's not my responsibility to be constantly vigilant and always increasing my awareness of my own privilege and my own positions in the world and in this movement; it is.  I mean the statement literally: these conversations are not about me.  It isn't about how much work it is to remember that many if not most POC don't have the luxury of being "color blind" or ignoring race, how trying it is to remember the different experiences and identities of others when choosing my words, how damned difficult it is to come to terms with the fact that my POC friends don't speak for all POC everywhere, and how troubling it is have to strain so hard to see something that is usually, insistently invisible to privileged white folks like myself. It isn't about how much I hate having to just shut my fucking mouth and listen to someone tell me I've offended them, and how, and why, and to respect and trust their experience, and to not tell them they're wrong, or what they ought  or ought not to be offended by, and to deal with the fact that  being told these things makes me uncomfortable, and/or makes me feel stupid.

It isn't about me.  It's about making room for marginalized and silenced voices to be heard.  No matter how hard it is to hear what they have to say.  By making it about me and my feelings and my reactions, I'm taking that spotlight back and shining it on my own privileged fat white ass.  Which gets plenty enough attention when we're not talking about racism.  It doesn't need special consideration when we are.

The thoughts and criticisms of people of color, however, do need this extra attention, because they don't get heard that often.  Which is why the best response in a situation where I don't know how to respond is simply to shut my mouth, listen, and think.  This approach has never failed me yet, and I strongly recommend it the next time you find yourself in a situation in which your privilege is being highlighted for you.  Works like a charm.  And, I promise, an inevitable result is that you'll learn something.
Readers have left 5 comments.
 No.1  Untitled
On The Rotund, littlem perfectly summed up what white people can do in these kinds of conversations:

MAKE LESS STATEMENTS
ASK MORE QUESTIONS

So good. And your post is great.
Fillyjonk (Author) • 2008-03-25 13:49:24
 No.2  Untitled
Fillyjonk, maybe just listening is the way to go. Sometimes questions, no matter how well meaning, aren't well received. As I was told recently, it is not the POCs responsibility to educate. And, isn't asking questions just a way of transferring the spotlight back to you again. Admittedly, I am conflicted on what the best course of action is, but I am rather confused on which questions are encouraged and which are discouraged.
Holli Knepper (Registered) • 2008-03-25 14:54:06
 No.3  Untitled
Definitely not POCs' responsibility to educate, but better to proceed by asking questions than by sticking your fingers in your ears and going "lalala," you know? Or sulking and saying "fine, I won't say anything ever again." If the choices are between questions and statements, or questions and shutting down the conversation, ask questions. But I can't argue that shutting up and listening is also awesome! Did me worlds of good, though my knowledge is far from complete.
Fillyjonk (Author) • 2008-03-25 15:50:41
 No.4  Untitled
I recently posted this quote on another website that was in the midst of a similar debate:

"One aspect of the backlash [against being PC] is the accusation that those who advocate attention to oppression, culture, and diversity are trying to put us into a straitjacket of 'political correctness' (Tataki, 1997)... This
draws our attention to the discomfort of the privileged rather than to the pain of the oppressed. Such discussion implicitly blames those who attempt to discuss their oppression for making the privileged
uncomfortable -- thus blocking discussion of privilege. The truth is that those who draw our attention to such social phenomena as the absence of people of color in our professional organizations, or inequities in the status of women or minorities in terms of salary, power, and visibility, make us uncomfortable. We no longer feel 'safe' in an atmosphere that values 'political correctness.' Reverting the discussion from the issues of inequity to the discomfort of the
privileged blocks a necessary part of change, since those who experience social oppression never had the privilege of feeling 'safe'
in the first place." (Monica McGoldrick, "Introduction: Re-visioning family therapy through a cultural lens." Re-Visioning Family Therapy.)
occhiblu (Registered) • 2008-03-25 18:27:48
 No.5  Untitled
I'm white, I'm privileged, and I get that. I try to be really aware of the differing experiences of others because they may not be what I assume: for example, I grew up far below the poverty line and people would not have expected that of me. So I try not to bring a lot of assumptions to the table, and I do try to ask a hell of a lot of questions. But one problem I have is "Where?" If I have questions about certain things related to cultures that aren't mine, where do I ask these things? When Google fails me, where do I go from there?
Hillary Gayle (Registered) • 2008-03-27 00:36:53
Please login or register to post comments.
J! Reactions 1.09.00 • General Site License
Copyright © 2006 S. A. DeCaro
 
< Prev   Next >
Buy contemporary bedding bedding toile bedding.
  
Site Resources
Home
About Us
Join the LiveJournal Community
Join the Flickr Pool
Browse Online Shop Reviews
Search the Site
Grab the RSS Feed
Contact Us

Member Login





Lost Password?
No account yet? Register
We have 5 guests and 2 members online

This Week's Unstapled Poll
In trying to keep up regular exercise, which of these best motivates you?
 

Support Doctors Without Borders in Haiti

Recent Shop Reviews

No entries were found.


Recent Comments
Eco friendly kitchen accessories chefs kitchen 1 kitchen tool.

In the Media




Fatshionista! on Facebook

Digable Links
The Adipositivity Project
Afrobella
Angry Black Bitch
Axis of Fat
Big Fat Deal
Body Impolitic
The Curvy Fashionista
Definatalie
Every Body is Beautiful
Fat Lot of Good
The Fat Nutritionist
Feminists with Disabilities (FWD)
Living ~400lbs
The Musings of a Fatshionista
Notes From The Fatosphere
Nudemuse
The Pretty Year
The Queer Fat Femme Guide to Life
Racialicious
The Rotund
Shapely Prose
Silentbeep
Threadbared
The Well-Rounded Mama
Young, Fat, & Fabulous

Fatshionista - Flickriver
 
top of page
© 2010 Fatshionista
Joomla! is Free Software released under the GNU/GPL License.