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I should warn you that because this is a discussion of diet drugs, it will involve a discussion of dieting (below the cut), which may be triggering to some of you with ED issues.
This is a slightly revised version of something I posted on my personal blog a couple of months ago. I am posting it here because I keep seeing ads for this thing, and I need an outlet for my rage.
What is Alli (pronounced "ally")? You've probably seen ads for it on television, and maybe other places too. I'll save you the trouble of heading over to myalli.com, because you won't find the real answer there anyhow. Here is what you will find:
alli prevents your body from absorbing about a quarter of the fat you eat. Fat is more calorie-dense than carbs or protein. Just one gram of fat has more than double the calories of the same amount of protein or carbs. So if you eat a reduced-calorie, low-fat diet and use alli capsules, you can make a real difference in your weight as you limit the total number of calories that enter your system.
Sounds simple enough--it's a pill that lets you eat whatever you want with no consequences, right? Grand. When I heard that, years ago, I and the sad remnants of my self-esteem said, hey, sure, sign me up, doc.
Let me tell you about my Alli.
Almost ten years ago, my doctor put me on a then-experimental drug called Orlistat, also known as Xenical. She did this after I had tried (and failed) time and again to lose weight through various diets she recommended.
Orlistat (and Alli--they are essentially the same thing) is a drug that blocks the absorption of fat into the body by inhibiting the production of enzymes that break down fat. Problem: all of that fat has to come out somewhere, right? What happens next is called the drug's "treatment effects". Not side effects--this is an intentional, planned part of the drug working its magic on your system.
Fat comes out spilling of you everywhere. Everywhere. Every time you have gas, oil leaks out of you. You have no control over the oil dripping out of your bowels, and it doesn't come alone, oh no. You have to wear Depends, because you shit yourself, and the shit stinks like nothing else on earth. Oil comes out of your pores and sits on your skin, in your hair, on your clothes. You stink. People walk by you and say things like, "What smells like bacon?" Sometimes you shower two or three times a day, scrubbing yourself raw, trying to get the smell off you.
In short, you feel as though you embody every awful, gross stereotype about fat people there is. You smell like fast food and shit and you can't control your bowel movements, and you have greasy skin and hair.
I endured this for two months, the last two weeks of which were spent mostly at home, in bed, refusing to eat, terrified to leave the house in case I had an accident.
I didn't even lose any weight while I was on this drug, because--surprise!--excessive intake of fat through my diet has never been an issue for me. In my teens, I had an operation to remove my gallbladder, as a result of which I regulate what I eat fairly strictly.
What I did lose, however, was my will to fight. I begged my doctor to take me off of the drug, which she did, on the condition that I start dieting again. And boy, did I ever. I began starving myself, living on one Slim-Fast shake a day, skipping dinner, riding my bike obsessively, drinking water to ease my hunger pangs. I did this because being on Orlistat had finally finished the job that years of living with an anorexic parent had started: I was so ashamed and disgusted with my body that I just wanted to make it disappear forever.
Fortunately I was able to break free of this particularly toxic mindset before it broke me entirely. But when I started to eat properly again, and gained the weight back, my doctor did not bother to conceal her acute disappointment. I had been doing so well! It didn't matter how often, or how tearfully, I explained to her how emotionally damaged I was, how close I came to slipping over the edge into a terrifying place from which there is often no return.
Last summer, this same drug was approved for over-the-counter use under the name Alli. I want you to think about that for a moment. Over. The. Counter. People don't need to see a medical professional in order to get this drug--all they have to do is ask for it by name. And I have no doubt that they will.
It breaks my heart to think of the number of beautiful fat people who will become so worn-down and so desperate that they will do this to themselves. Perfectly healthy individuals literally making themselves sick. Because I have to tell you, to this day, I still have problems with my stomach and my digestion that I didn't have before Orlistat.
I realize that posting this on here is tantamount to preaching to the choir. But I felt like it had to be said, somewhere--maybe because I wanted to reassure myself that I am not the only person who is frightened that this drug is still out there.
Readers have left 7 comments. No.1 Untitled
Wow, what an honest and sad story. My doctor, too, tried to push Xenical on me years ago but when I heard about the side effects, I said no thanks. Now, I'm even more glad I refused it. Instead, I tried Atkins, which, over time, developed into an eating disorder.
I do hope you have found another doctor. And I hope people who google Ally because they're interested in trying it, will instead be led to your post.
No.2 Untitled
Rachel: I hope so, too. No.3 Untitled
I love that this garbage is available OTC. How ludicrous! I also love that they're referred to as "treatment effetcs", rather than SIDE EFFECTS. This video is a pretty funny satire about Alli. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jvVkWsDY78 No.4 Untitled
I'd heard the humorous version of events often enough on the fatosphere but reading your account has really brought home to me just how fucked up the medical profession can be in relation to fat. In an ideal world this filth should just be banned but, failing that, I vote that every doctor who prescribes the drug should be forced to take it for a month. If anyone, having done so, still upholds the idea that taking Alli could possibly benefit anybody's health or wellbeing, frankly they should be struck off. Uggh. No.5 Untitled
Thank you for posting this.
No.6 Untitled
Thank you so much for posting your story. When this drug first came out and I was still looking for the next diet that would be "the one," I thought about buying it. Then I heard about the so-called "side effects" and decided against it. I had no idea how bad it could be and that it's really the normal effects of the drug, and that your doctor completely dismissed your problems and thought you were "healthy" simply because you lost weight -- nevermind that you were miserable and truly suffering. I'm amazed that this is prescribed at all, let alone now sold over the counter! No.7 Untitled
Was this supposed to be over the top, or were you serious? I suspect the latter.
You quote from the website "Just one gram of fat has more than double the calories of the same amount of protein or carbs. So if you eat a reduced-calorie, low-fat diet and use alli capsules, you can make a real difference in your weight."
How did you get "you can eat whatever you want" from "if you eat a reduced calorie, low fat diet"?
I took Alli back when it was Xenical too. The real possible side effects--diarrhea, oiliness, etc. were well know. Your post was the first and only time I've heard of anyone having to wear Depends, or smelling like ham. That's the part that made me think you were being facetious.
The problems with Alli are with the users, I suspect. Our society is such that everyone wants an easy way to do things--they want a magic pill that will allow them to eat whatever they want, and lose weight. |
